Depression: Day 1

Depression advances, silent & ominous, like the oncoming wave of a Tsunami. A calm surface fails to tell the story of the raging forces churning below.

I remember hearing about a Tsunami wave when I was younger and imagining this massive behemoth crashing into a Tokyo skyline. A few years ago I saw actual video of one and was stunned to see that it wasn’t a gigantic wave at all but more like a rising tide that just kept rising while stunned citizens looked on helplessly as their entire landscape get swept away. To me, Depression, is a lot like that oncoming wave only I’m far from helpless anymore.

I stopped hiding my struggle with Depression 3 years ago after it very nearly did me in. I discovered that to shine a light into the impending darkness brought clarity to my own situation. It also served as a beacon for others.

For years I would become a recluse and allow the angst, guilt and shame of it all to gnaw at my sanity. A wise person once told me, “Never be afraid of the dark. Be afraid of the things that can hurt you that are hiding in the dark.” That was the day I decided to use my writing as a torch and went public about my struggle with Depression.

Today is the day after Thanksgiving and the gradual tide of Depression has arrived to pay it’s annual visit. The symptoms:

• An all-encompassing headache
• A general, dull-ache almost everywhere
• Nausea
• A desire to avoid all social interactions
• No desire for food
• Absolute exhaustion after being around people (even those whom I love the most) for any length of time.

Another manifestation is the fact that no part of me wants to write any of this down. Time has taught me this…Darkness avoids light at all costs.

To all those whom I shall see between now and whenever this fog lifts, I only ask that you understand one very valuable Truth: It’s NOT You…It’s ME! Don’t. Be. Weird!! :)

Some Tips: Please don’t awkwardly avoid me because that just makes this whole season more awkward. Be normal. If you’ve read this and want to ask me how it’s going just say that. Most importantly, if you struggle as well, please share that with me because you need to let that be known as much as I need to know it!

While a piece of me dreads this time of year I must say that I do find a bit of relief in at least knowing what it is I’m dealing with. History tells me there is another side to this grey confusion. It’ll all be ok, just maybe not today. This is my ‘thorn in the flesh,’ as the Apostle Paul would describe it.

So, welcome to one of the less glamorous aspects of my journey here on this celestial orb. Also, a big thank you to Humanity for your efforts through the years in making Depression not so synonymous with shame as it once was.

This fog will be lifted soon enough. Let’s all love one another well.